A

Abecedarian – a novice, a person who is just beginning to learn something.

Abrasion Play – using various rough items to rub on the skin. Sand paper or steel wool are often used. Usually used for sensation play, although it can be used to mark skin.

Acceptive phase - In a sexual relationship, the period between courting one another and actively participating in a mutual involvement (intercourse)

 

Acceptivity - The inclination to accept another before sexual activities begin.

 

Acrotomophilia (or acrotometophilia) - 1. Achieving arousal, orgasm with someone who is an amputee, getting sexually excited over an amputated limb. The off-setting condition (self-amputation), is apotemnophilia.

 

Aftercare – cool down period after a BDSM session. Also the actual care involved including giving a blanket, water, hugs and praise to the sub or bottom. Doms or tops may also need aftercare.

 

Age Play – Where one partner, usually the submissive, acts an age much younger than their chronological years and usually younger than the Dominant.

 

Algedonic - when something gives both pain and pleasure at the same time.

 

Allosexual - someone who has sexual attraction to others; not asexual.

 

Alpha Sub - (1) The primary sub/slave in a poly household or multi-person relationship(s). (2) A submissive who finds it important to emphasize that they are a strong, independent person in their own right, while still submitting to the authority of another. There is strongly contentious debate in the community whether use of this label implies that the person using it is making themselves appear to be superior to other submissives or that other submissives are somehow weaker/lesser persons (e.g. doormats) when compared with themselves.

 

Ambisexuality (adjective, ambisexual): Being attracted equally to males or females. Synonym of bisexual.

 

Anal Beads – a string of beads that are inserted into the anus and then pulled out for sexual pleasure.

 

Anal Hook – usually stainless steel. Looks like a big meat hook with a ball on the curved end and a loop at the end of the long side. Inserted into the anus and sometimes used in bondage, hence the loop in the end for a rope to go through.

 

Analingus - Stimulation of the anus with tongue and lips.

 

Analism - An enjoyment of anal stimulation.

 

Anasyrma – the lifting of a skirt or kilt to expose one’s genitals.

 

Androgynophilia - Joining with a man and a woman by a member of either sex. Threesome of either kind (MMF, MFF)

 

Androgyny - Showing characteristics of both sexes in body, mind, or behavior

 

Andromimesis - Born female yet living as male and able to relate sexually, exclusively with women.

No surgical reassignment, but possibly hormonal. Trans gender

 

Andromimetic - A woman appearing outwardly as a male in appearance, behaviour and dress, a lesbian living the role of a man and usually no surgery or hormones

 

Andromimetophilia - Sexual attraction and arousal to those who have had sex-reassignment

 

Anerotic - Not erotic; lacking eroticism.

 

Ankle Cuffs – handcuffs for the ankles.

 

Animal Play – where in a person acts like an animal such as a puppy, kitten, pony or other animal. May or may not include sexual play. Also known as Pet Play.

 

Anorgasmia - Unable to achieve orgasm and/or climax through conventional methods and adequate stimulation (in men commonly known as delayed ejaculation, in women sometimes called frigidity).

 

Areola (plural, areolae) - The area of pigmented skin surrounding the nipple of the breast.

 

Armbinder – a type of sleeve that goes over both hands and up above the elbows. Sometimes called a single-sleeve. Usually has leather straps-and-buckles to hold it in place; alternatively it can be made from rope. Used to bind arms either in front or in back.

 

Asexual – a person who does not feel sexual attraction to others and/or has no interest in sex.

 

Asymmetric Bondage – tying a person in such a way that the form is asymmetric.

 

Auralism – kind of like voyeurism except you are listening to people instead of watching.

 

Autoerotic - Sexual self stimulation, most common form is masturbation using fingers and hands.

 

 

B

Bad Pain - Pain beyond a submissive’s threshold of what they process as “good pain”.

 

Bagging – putting a plastic bag over the head of a submissive in order to induce suffocation.

 

Ball busting - impact play on a man's testicles. Can include using the hands to strike, feet to kick, paddles and other instruments. Should not be done by beginners as serious injury can occur.

 

Ballet Boots – boots with heels so high it forces the foot up on the toe tips.

 

Ballgag – A gag with a ball that goes into the mouth of the wearer.

 

Bareback – having sex without a condom.

 

Bastinado – beating the soles of the feet.

 

BDSM – Bondage, Discipline, Domination, submission, SadoMasochism. Covers most areas and subjects which are considered to be kinky.

 

BDSM Checklist – a list of activities done by various BDSM type people. Often used by newbies or people in a new relationship to decide what they will and will not do. A way to decide what is on their personal hot list and what is a hard limit.

 

BDSM club – a place where folks go to play and socialize. Clubs often offer training and lessons to novices.

 

Bear Paw – a glove with spikes sticking out the tips of the fingers. Used for sensation play.

 

Ben Wa Balls – similar to anal beads but tend to be used in the vagina. Often a single ball, but can be more than one which can be strung together. Often used to strengthen the Kegel muscles. They can also be used to stimulate the vagina.

 

Bestiality – the use of animals for sexual gratification. Having sex with animals. Illegal almost everywhere.

 

Bisexual – a man or woman being sexually attracted to both men and women. May have a preference for one or the other, but will do either. Some folks say it’s the best of both worlds.

 

Bit – part of the tack used in pony play.

 

Bits – Can be used for both male and female, but often used to describe a woman’s genitalia.

 

Black Sheet Party – sexual orgy involving people who practice BDSM.

 

Blanket consent - The act of implicitly consenting to anything one's partner wishes to do or attempt, without having to discuss or negotiate beforehand.

 

Blood Play – purposely drawing blood during play, usually by cutting or using needles.

 

Blow job - Slang for fellatio, sucking cock

 

Body Harness – a harness usually made of either leather and metal rings or rope. Worn on the upper body. Sometimes used in bondage play.

 

Body Modification – to make a permanent change in one’s body. Comes in many variations: Tattoos, piercings, branding, etc.

 

Body Worship – when a person shows devotion and awe for their partner’s body. Can include physical contact like kissing, licking, stroking, sucking.

 

Bondage – restraining a person. Can use any number of methods including: rope, chains, bungee cords, velcro, belts, ties, scarves, hose, handcuffs. Can be full body or partial. The bottom can be just tied up or they can be tied to something.

 

Bondage Belt – a belt usually made of leather with straps and metal rings on it. Used to secure the hands. Sometimes used to secure the ankles. Sometimes used to help suspend a bottom.

 

Bondage Boots – see Ballet Boots.

 

Bondage and discipline (B & D) - Sadomasochism involving restraints (rope, chains, cuffs,etc) combined with possible physical punishment with various implements to enforce obedience, servitude or enslavement

 

Bondage Mitt – mittens made of leather or vinyl secured over the hands with straps. Keeps the bottom from using their hands.

 

Bondage Tape – special tape that will stick to itself but not to other surfaces, like skin.

 

Bonger - Those toys that are spring metal with a ball on one end and handle on the other, designed for use in massage. Often used as sets. Also known as kabongers.

 

Bottom - Sadomasochistic slang term for the submissive, masochistic partner.

 

Branding – yep, just what it sounds like. Take a piece of metal, heat it up, stick it on the skin of the person you are branding.

 

Breadcrumbs - Used by a person to post in a forum so it enters their Fetlife feed and their friends see it and draws their attention to the thread. Also shortened to crumbs.

 

Breast Bondage – To tie up a woman’s breasts. What the hell did you think?

 

Breast Clamp – device for squeezing the crap out of a woman’s breasts. Kind of like breast bondage, but with a vise.

 

Breath Play – when a person controls the breathing of their partner. Usually through choking, bag play or by putting a hand over the partner’s mouth and nose.

 

Breeding – Making babies. Can be fantasy only but can mean real impregnation of a female. The term is also sometimes used by gay men to refer to unprotected anal sex.

 

Buggery - Anal sex, chiefly between males or with animals

 

Bukkake – A word of Japanese origin describing a type of scene where a person is placed in the center of a circle of men to act as a target for their ejaculation.

 

Butch – descriptor used for masculine acting lesbians.

 

Butt Plug – much like a dildo but shaped differently, usually with a flange on the end to keep it from disappearing up into the anus. Yes, the anus. They can come in many shapes and sizes, from pencil thin and short, up to: “Really? That goes where?”

 

Butterfly Chair – a chair with two surfaces to which the legs are secured. These surfaces can then be swing outward to expose the genitals of the secured person.

 

 

C

Cage – a box with bars. You know, a cage. You put somebody in it.

 

Camming – short for web-camming. Talking through the means of internet video often for sexual purposes and play.

 

Candaulism - when a man shows off his woman, in pictures or in real life, to other people for their voyeuristic pleasure. Yep, she’s supposed to be naked or near to it.

 

Cane – a thin rod used for impact play, usually made of bamboo, fiberglass, acrylic, etc.

 

Cangue – two boards held together by a hinge with holes for the neck and wrists. Used as a form of bondage torture or a major league collar.

 

Carpet Beater – an impact toy made with cable, plastic covered cable or wire on a handle. The cable or wire is looped, often in a clover leaf pattern. Made in the style of old fashioned carpet cleaners.

 

Carnal - of the flesh, as opposed to the spirit.

 

Cat O' Nine Tails – a type of whip with nine tails or falls. Usually made of thin, long leather falls with a straight, hard handle.

 

Cathartic Release/Catharsis - a sudden and strong emotional release which cleanses a person of pent up emotions. Usually brought on by external stimuli which can include talk therapy, art, or strong physical exertions (including BDSM play).

 

Cell Popping – a type of temporary branding where a very hot metal wire is used to touch and burn a series of dots onto the skin. Designs are often burnt into the skin this way. Usually heals in a few weeks.

 

Chastity – not having sex. Is sometimes used as a disciplinary measure on a submissive. Can also be a part of the permanent dynamic of a relationship.

 

Chemical Play – using different substances to cause sensations. Usually things like hot sauce, ginger, cinnamon, icy hot or wintergreen oil.

 

Cisgender - those whose gender identity—their internal sense of being male or female—is the same as the sex they were assigned at birth. From the Latin cis, meaning 'on the same side as'.

 

Cleave Gag – a simple gag of made of cloth.

 

Clitoris (plural, clitorides; adjective, clitoral or clitoridean) - The small, hooded organ at the top of the cleft of the female vulva, counterpart of the penis in the male clitoromegaly: extreme enlargement or hypertrophy of the clitoris.

 

Clover Clamp – a type of nipple clamp that is designed to close tighter on the nipple when an attached chain is pulled.

 

Cock Ring – a ring put around the base of the penis to help keep an erection.

 

Cock Worship – a form of body worship devoted to the penis of the Dominant.

 

Co-Dom – when two Dominants take on one or more submissives in a single scene.

 

Coital fantasy - Imagery of sexually stimulating fantasy that can accompany intercourse and may or may not include current partner

 

Coitus or coition - The sexual act of penis in vagina, penetration.

 

Cold Branding - the use of extremely cold materials (usually something like liquid nitrogen) in order to freeze small, select areas of the skin in order to

sear the skin cells and brand the person; depending on the skin And Technique Used, marks may be temporary, semipermanent or permanent

 

Collar (1) – An accessory that may be worn as part of play or as a symbol of a relationship. May be an actual collar (similar to a dog collar), necklace, bracelet, ring, etc.

 

Collar (2) – The act of formalizing a d/s relationship; in some relationships, it is done quickly, in others it may take several months or years. Some d/s relationships don’t include the concept of collaring. The depth of significance that the formalization has is different for each couple, from similar to going steady up to being as significant as a marriage.

 

Coming out - Gay term to acknowledging publicly one’s sexual orientation; also used in acknowledging one’s gender identity when differing from their birth identity

 

Communication – Connecting mind to mind through words. It is conveying an idea in such a way that the other person in the conversation actually understands the idea and then acknowledges said idea; talking, listening, responding in an intelligent way.

 

Compersion – a feeling of happiness that you take from your partner's happiness with another, whether it be through sexual or romantic involvement. It can take the shape of arousal, but it can also simply look like the same joy that the person gets with their partner.

 

Compulsive cruising - Always seeking, never satisfied, for the ideal sexual partner or experience

 

Connection - (1) Compatibility between people, including (but not limited to) romantic, kinky, emotional, sexual, personality, and value compatibility. (2) A social link which need not involve having played with a person; this includes friendship, associating with people, and becoming known in one's community. (3) Synergy between play partners; empathy and awareness of one another's reactions; being in tune 

 

Consensual Non-Consent – Play or Scene - CNC, play that is negotiated and usually includes some type of rough or edge play. Rape play and kidnapping are the two types of play usually associated with CNC. The bottom agrees to this type of play without total foreknowledge of what is actually going to take place. This type of play requires a lot of trust on the parts of both the Top and the bottom. The bottom has to trust the Top not to go too far. The Top has to trust the bottom not to change their mind afterward.

 

Consensual Non-Consent - Relationship - CNC: A relationship or scene in which the submissive gives total authority or control over to the Dominant. A relationship in which it is not only expected, but in effect implicitly (or potentially even explocitly) stated that the Dominant will go past limits, not listen to 'No', or otherwise deliberately do things that the submissive would not consent to. The single piece of power the submissive holds is the ability to withdraw consent for everything and sever the relationship (although there is the potential for renegotiation if the pair still wish to be in a relationship).

 

Consensual Non-Monogamy - a situation in which all the partners involved agree that one, the other, or all of them are going to have some kind of involvement with other people that participants in most monogamous relationships are no

 

Consent - In which a person, knowing what will occur and the risks involved, agrees to move forward in participating in a proposed activity or relationship. The consent of all parties involved is required

 

Contract – for BDSM, the use of a written list of rules and limits agreed to by a Dominant and a submissive. Has no actual legal authority and cannot be enforced through the court system of any state. Does make things real clear as to what is going to be going on within the relationship.

 

Contrapolar Stimulation – stimulating the bottom with pain and pleasure at the same time. Like using a vibrator on a female ’s clitoris while wailing away on her butt with a belt. Can cause very intense orgasms.

 

Contusion - A bruise; an injury of soft tissues without breaking the overlying skin.

 

Copulate (noun, copulation) - Join in sexual intercourse.

 

Corporal Punishment – physical punishment, usually some type of impact play like a spanking, paddle or whip.

 

Corset – old fashioned under garment used to cinch in the waist and lift the breasts of a woman. Usually laces up the back. Can constrict movement and limit breathing.

 

Corset Piercing – piercing the skin with needles or rings in a double row so that ribbon or string can be laced through them, like the lacing on the back of a corset.

 

Costume Play – cosplay. Role playing while wearing costumes. Can include dressing up as a superhero, a historical person, a doctor or nurse and many other characters.

 

Craupadine – French for hogtie.

 

Crop – also known as a riding crop. Usually a spring metal or wood handle wrapped in leather with a loop or slap at the striking end.

 

Cross Dresser – a person who dresses in clothes usually meant for the opposite sex. A woman dressing as a man or a man dressing as a woman.

 

Cruising - Slang term (normally used amongst gay people) to indicate availability and seeking a potential sexual partner

 

Crumbs - Used by a person to post in a forum so it enters their Fetlife feed and their friends see it and draws their attention to the thread. See also breadcrumbs.

 

Cuddle Puddle - A group of people cuddling, for the pleasure of physical contact with others, but without sex.

 

Cuddle Pile - A group of people cuddling, for the pleasure of physical contact with others, but without sex.

 

Cuddle Slut - A person who loves being in close physical contact with people in a platonic, nonsexual manner.

 

Cunnilingus – the act of performing oral sex on a woman. Pussy licking.

 

Cupping – using a suction device on the skin. Can be done with either a flame (fire cupping) or a vacuum device.

 

Cutting – yep, just what it sounds like. Take a sharp tool, like a knife, and cut someone enough to draw blood.

 

Cybersex – having sexual relations through the internet. Can including camming, texting, instant messages and other electronic means of communication.

D

Degradation - A type of play focused on making the bottom feel lesser in some capacity. 

 

Demisexual – having a sexual interest only in people with whom an emotional bond has been established.

 

Deviant - Not conforming to societal norms

 

Discipline – wherein a Dominant trains a submissive to perform certain activities or to behave in certain ways and the act of correcting the behavior or performance.

 

Dogging - Having covert sex in public areas such as a park

 

Dollification - the process of transforming oneself or another into a living doll. The physical changes may include everything from choices in clothing and makeup to multiple plastic surgeries. Mental aspects may include a desire for objectification, ownership, or simply the headspace of a toy.

 

Dom Baiting – a move pulled by brats and pixies to get a rise out of their Dominant in order to precipitate a funishment session.

 

Dom Drop – similar to sub drop. Caused by the depletion of brain chemicals, especially endorphins and adrenalin, that are used up during a play session. Anger, depression and sometimes guilt can be associated with this condition.

 

Dom Frenzy - a condition often experienced by a newbie Dominant wherein they are more focused on finding a person to play with and on experiencing as many different types of play as possible in as short a time as possible and are less focused on the quality of the experience or relationships.

 

Domsexual - a sexual orientation in which a person is sexually attracted to people with a submissive nature or energy, to people they can dominate, and/or to people who are submissive to them.

 

Domestic Discipline - a type of power based relationship wherein one partner is in authority over the other and has the right to discipline the other partner, often through corporal punishment, although other means of punishment can also be used. Can be based on several different religious belief systems and is often based on a patriarchal family pattern.

 

Doxxing - also spelled Doxing, publishing private information about someone online (I.e - social media), usually done with malicious intent.

 

Drag queen: Slang term for a male, often, but not necessarily, homosexual, dressed as a woman in an overly exaggerated way.

 

Dragon's Tail – a type of whip. Made with a solid handle with a single long, wide tail. The tail is wrapped around the handle once or twice to form a hollow tube and then tapers down to a point at the end. Used to snap at a bottom’s bottom like a rolled up towel.

 

Drag queen - Slang term for male homosexual dressed as a woman in an overly exaggerated way.

 

Dungeon – a play area set up for BDSM activities. Can be a large public space or a corner of an apartment.

 

Dungeon Master/Monitor - a person who supervises the play area, helps to create a safe play environment, and enforces event/party rules.

 

 

E

Earplugs – used to dampen noise from screaming submissives and masochists. Also used in sensory deprivation play.

 

Edge Play – dangerous and/or risky forms of play. Knife play, choking, fire, blood, heavy use of impact instruments, bondage using razor wire.

 

Edging – the act of bringing a bottom to the point of orgasm and then denying them the orgasm, backing away from that edge. Can be done repeatedly.

 

Effeminate (noun, effeminacy): A man affecting a womanish or sissy manner and often stigmatized as unmanly.

 

Ejaculation (verb to ejaculate): Expulsion of the semen and other fluids at the time of sexual climax or orgasm in a man. Cumming

 

Electric Play – A wide range of practices and toys. Can be simple stimulation with a low power toy such as a violet wand. Can be a stronger stimulus

such as that given by a TENS unit. Or, you can get a TAZOR and blast their ass into next week.

 

Emotion Play – to purposely involve heavy emotions in BDSM play. Can include fear, humiliation or sadness. May also go the other way and include love, joy and happiness. Often done with wide swings between emotions.

 

Endorphins (singular, endorphin): Hormones secreted within the brain and nervous system that activate the body’s opiate receptors, having an analgesic effect

Erogenous Zone – the sexual areas of the body. The genitalia and the breasts of a woman are most commonly thought of as erogenous zones although there are folks who think this way of armpits and such.

Erotic: Sexual; fantasy, daydream or in response to stimulation

Erotic Apathy - Lack of interest in having sexual relations. Unable to experience sexual arousal under normal circumstances

Erotic inertia: Inability to maintain sexual activity under normal circumstances

Exhibitionism: (noun, exhibitionist): The enjoyment from displaying oneself in a sexual, provocative manner to elicit responses ranging from appreciation to shock.

F

Face Fucking – forced fellatio. Thrusting the penis, dildo, or other phallic object into the mouth of another person.

 

Face Sitting – the act of sitting on a person’s face. When done by a female Dominant to a male submissive, it is called Queening.

 

Failsafe – emergency safety equipment or system to quickly end a particular type of play. Often used by a bottom to release themselves from a situation that has become dangerous. Examples would include a pull rope the bottom can pull to release themselves from bondage or a hidden latch to let themselves out of a cage.

 

Fall – the business end of any whip-like impact toy. Can go from a single tail whip to a fifty fall flogger. Also known as tails.

 

Family – a group of three or more kinksters that form a unit. Can be a living arrangement wherein they all live in the same house but is not necessary. Usually headed by a Dominant of either sex.

 

Fantasy Rape – exactly what it sounds like. Usually a form of consensual non-consent.

 

Fap - to masturbate.

 

Fappage - the object, usually a person, of a fantasy used for masturbation.

 

Fear Play - a form of play where the emotion of fear is used to heighten the senses by creating an adrenaline rush

 

Felching – the act of cleaning up after sex by using the tongue. Sometimes spelt Feltching.

 

Fellation – the act where in a man’s penis is excited orally by another person. Also known as a blow job.

 

Fellator – the person performing fellatio.

 

Feminization – when a man is forced to attire themselves as a woman, especially in a dress, heels, makeup, etc.

 

Fetish – to become sexually aroused in ways other than plain, vanilla sex. This can be done through an object, a body part other than the genitalia or a situation.

 

Fetish Delivery System – what some people think of other people in BDSM. Not usually used in a good way when referring to the people who just want to use others for their own personal pleasure.

 

Fetters – ankle cuffs.

 

Figging – inserting a peeled piece, or finger, of ginger root into the anus or vagina. Causes a burning sensation.

 

Financial Dominance – a dynamic wherein a Dominant has financial dominance over a submissive. The submissive pays a tribute through cash or gifts to the Dominant. Can also be where the Dominant takes control of the submissive's finances. This is not for the Dominant to enrich themselves at the expense of the submissive, but in order to exert control over the submissive.

 

Fire Flogger – a flogger made of a non-flammable material which is soaked in a flammable liquid. The flogger is lit aflame and used on a bottom. See the warnings in the Fire Play entry.

 

Fire Play – using fire for purposes of BDSM play. Often, flammable liquids are used to douse a part of the bottom. Can also use specially prepared cotton and other materials. This is considered a form of edge play and should be done only after being trained by an experienced fire player.

 

Fisting – the practice of inserting the entire hand into a vagina or anus. Will leave the bottom with a full feeling.

 

Flagellation – term for flogging or whipping someone.

 

Flogger – a type of impact play instrument used to flagellate somebody. Consists of a handle and multiple falls. Frequently made of leather but can be made of any suitable material including rope, horse hair, rubber, paracord and rabbit fur. Comes in many varieties of types and sizes. Depending on the construction and material used, the sensations a flogger can inflict range from a gentle caress, through very stingy to heavy thudding. One of the most popular toys in the BDSM toy box.

 

Florentine – a style of flogging wherein a flogger is held in each hand and swung in figure eight patterns. Thought to be a more advanced technique.

 

Fluffer - a person employed in the porn industry whose job is to help keep the male talent aroused on the set. May or may not include physical contact, although it usually does.

 

Fluid Bonding – Bonding by exchanging fluid with another person. It’s having the same bacteria and viruses now as the person you just fluid exchanged with, and everyone else they have fluid exchanged with. Do you know the person they were with last weekend? The same goes with toys you sweat or bleed on.

 

Fluid Exchange – the transmission of bodily fluids from one person to another. Usually thought to be the exchange of sexual fluids such as semen, but can be any body fluid including saliva and blood. The easiest way to trade diseases.

Foot Fetish – being sexually aroused by the look, taste, smell or feel of human feet. I guess it would also include folks that like to get walked on.

 

Forced Orgasm – just like it says. Forcing a person to orgasm against their will.

 

Foreplay: Activities used to cause arousal in a partner preceding sexual intercours

 

Friend With Benefits: a person who is not a romantic partner but who is either a sexual partner on occasion, an occasional play partner or both. These people may be actual friends outside of the sexual or kink play.

 

Frigidity: Inability to become sexually aroused or passionate

 

Frottage – the act of rubbing one’s genitalia against another person for sexual enjoyment. Can be a man rubbing his penis against another, but also can be a woman rubbing her clitoris and labia against another person as well. Also known as frotting. Also known as humping.

 

Frotteurism – getting turned on by touching a stranger surreptitiously in a crowded place.

 

FtM – transgender female to male.

 

Fuck (noun; verb): this one is self explanatory.

 

Funishment – play form of punishment. Can consist of about any activity, from impact play to corner time. Often sought after b

 

Furry – a person who takes on the persona and characteristics of an animal during play. Often wears animal apparel or a complete costume.

 

 

G

 

Gag – any of several devices used to go in or over the mouth. Used to either hold the mouth open or to stifle screams.

 

Gaslighting - attempting to change reality, through verbal or other means, in order to manipulate another person and shake the other person's faith in their own perceptions. "I never said that," and "But that really is what you said," are two such example

 

Gay - (adjective; noun): Term for a homosexual person, most often referring to a male

 

Gender - the state of being female, male, both, a mixture, or neither, where 'male' and 'female' refer to social, cultural, and personal identification, rather than anatomical structures. 

 

Genderfluid - A person that can shift between various gender identifies or presentations depending on mo

 

Genderqueer - An individual whose gender identity is completely different than the traditional binary (male/female)

 

Genital - Sex organs.

 

Genitalia: Internal and external sex organs

 

Get A Cookie - Colloquial phrase for 'walk away from a scene/situation that is disturbing you'. A reference to the fact that in many dungeons, the kitchen and/or lounge areas are away from play areas, and thus the individual can use them as a safe space to cool down from a scene that they witnessed and were disturbed or triggered by. Use of this phrase Is very often perceived as patronizing or disparaging of people who are overwhelmed or triggered by a scene.

 

Gimp Suit – a full body suit including a full hood, made of leather, rubber or spandex. Often has rings incorporated into it for bondage. Yes, it covers the entire body from toes to head.

 

Giving head: Slang for oral sex, fellatio. Also known as a blow job

 

Glory Hole - a hole in a wall, door or board that a man puts his penis through so another person on the other side can give oral or manual sex. Often anonymous.

 

Golden Shower – to urinate on another person.

 

Good Pain – physical pain within the toleration level of a submissive or masochist. Pain that is processed as pleasure. Can be caused by any number of means.

 

Gorean – a type of BDSM based on a series of erotic fantasy novels by John Norman. The culture depicted in the novels is one of Master and slaves with many rituals and very high protocol.

 

Grandmother Rules – a set of rules used for munches and other events held in public places. Based on how you would dress and behave if your grandmother happened to stop by.

 

Grey Sexual - having characteristics of being asexual, but may still experience sexual attraction. For example, see Demisexual and Sapiosexual.

 

G-spot - Gräfenberg spot. An area on the front wall of a woman’s vagina which can be very sensitive. Somewhat controversial due to the fact that a lot of partners can’t find it.

 

G-spot Vibrator – a vibrator with a curve in the end designed to reach a woman’s g-spot.

 

GUM clinic - Genito-Urinary Medicine clinic. It is where one can be checked for STI's and the like.

 

Gunge Play – play that includes pouring liquids or semi-solids on the bottom. Includes many forms of food play. Also includes scat and Roman showers.

H

 

Hair Bondage – to incorporate a person’s hair into bondage play.

 

Handkerchief Code – an old system of displaying various colors of handkerchief to publicly indicate what type of BDSM one is into. Began in gay leather bars.

Hard Limit – something a person will not do. Usually a form of play but can be anything including a type of relationship dynamic. A potential partner must be informed of hard limits prior to any play sessions.

 

Harem – Several submissives devoted to a single Dominant. The gender of the partners is not relevant to the makeup of the harem.

 

Harness – a type of apparel usually made of leather and metal rings worn by a submissive. Can be used as a part of bondage play. Also a piece of tack used by pony players.

 

Head of Household - the authority in a BDSM House, occasionally also the authority in a BDSM Family. Most often used in the context of a D\s couple. Very often associated with Taken In Hand relationships.

 

Hedonism – a philosophy that is based on the premise that all good is derived from pleasure. Has taken on a second connotation of the pursuit of pleasure for pleasure’s sake.

 

Hentai - Japanese pornography based on anime

 

Heteroflexible – a person who identifies as a heterosexual but is willing to have sex with someone of the same gender. Sometimes called “socially bisexual”.

 

Hirsutism, Hirsute - Excessive body hair.

 

Hitachi Wand – a powerful type of vibrator.

 

Hobble Skirt – a type of tight fitting, long skirt which restricts the movements of the wearer’s legs.

 

Homoflexible - a person who identifies as a homosexual but is willing to have sex with someone of the opposite gender. Sometimes cal

 

Homophobia - the fear or hatred of gays, lesbians or bisexual people.

 

Homophobic - a person who has fear of or hatred for gays, lesbians or bisexual people.

 

House – much like a Family but usually with more rituals and structure. Consists of three or more kinksters and usually headed by a Dominant. Can be a living arrangement but can often be more like a structured network of people.

 

Human Furniture - A type of play in which the bottom is used as furniture, such as a table, chair, footstool, etc.

 

Human Pet - Not to be confused with Pet play; there are those who actually identify with being pet humans in which they accept the fact they are human but are kept as a pet

 

Humiliation Play – psychological play that can take several forms. From gentle teasing to hard core name calling or objectification.

 

Hybristophilia – sadism by proxy. Being sexually aroused by other people who are sadists. Like the women who fall in love with the Ted Bundys of the world. Or a Bonnie to a Clyde. Usually not a Sadist or masochist themselves. They want to watch or be aware of a sadist doing things to a third person.

I

 

Impact Play – the act of striking a bottom for purposes of play. Can be bare handed or with any number of various instruments such as a flogger, paddle, kitchen spoon

 

Impotence - Failure of the penis to become erect or maintain the erection

 

Informed Consent – This is a core concept in the BDSM community. Informed:everyone in the scene knows all the risks and rewards of any given

activity. Consent: everyone involved affirmatively agrees to participate in the proposed activi

 

Intercourse - Penetrative sex between two people, usually penis in vagina.

 

Intercrural sex - Thrusting the penis between another's thighs, breasts, between the arm and ribs, and so on. Non-penetrative sex act while thrusting the penis.

 

Interrogation Play - A type of play where the top uses various methods to attempt to extract "information" from the bottom.

 

Irrumation - Forced oral sex. Also called face fucking. Can sometimes also mean thrusting the penis between another’s thighs, breasts, between the arm and ribs, etc, but most correctly refers to forced oral sex.

J

 

Jack Off – masturbation. Usually used to describe self gratification by men.

 

Jacob's Ladder - A series of piercings which go up the underside of the penis shaft. Also known as frenum piercings or a frenum ladder. Both rod and ring type jewelry can be used.

 

Japanese Bondage – intricate type of bondage. See Shibari.

 

Jilling Off – masturbation by women.

 

Jizz – a man’s ejaculate.

 

Joy Angles – porn movies featuring scat, most specifically showing the act of producing the scat.

 

Junk – a man’s genitalia.

 

 

K

 

Kabonger – See Bongers.

 

Kef – stylized letter K branded onto a slave in the fantasy novels of John Norman.

 

Kidnap Play – the act of kidnapping a submissive for the purpose of kink play. Often an act of consensual non-consent.

 

Kink – behavior or thought processes that go outside what the average person is assumed to do.

 

Kink Friendly – used to refer to professionals who provide services to those in the kink community. Can refer to doctors and lawyers, but the meaning has grown to include others such as therapists and metal or leather workers.

 

Kinkster – somebody that does kink.

 

Kintsukuroi – the art of repairing broken pottery with gold or silver lacquer in such a way that it is more beautiful for having been broken. Sometimes used to describe a submissive who has gone through extensive training.

 

Knife Play – play that includes the use of a knife. May or may not include cutting.

 

Kolar – term used for a collar in the Gor fantasy novels by John Norman.

 

 

L

 

Labia (singular, labium) - In the female genitalia, the “lips

 

Lactation - The secretion of breast milk

 

Lady – honorific used for Dommes or female submissives. Usually followed by a name. Often written in lowercase for submissives.

 

Leather – as in the Leather subculture of BDSM. The subculture first arose in the late 1940s in urban areas through gay male motorcycle clubs. Many of these clubs are very strict in their hierarchies and rituals and a member had to rise through the ranks beginning as a low level submissive. Participants are called Leathermen. This subculture, and the idea of it, has grown to include lesbians as well as straight kinksters. Lesbians in the Leather subculture are known as Leatherdykes.

 

Lesbian (adjective, lesbian) - Female homosexual

 

Libido - Sexual drive.

 

Lifestyle – term used for the BDSM community. Not everyone agrees with this use as there are so many different lifestyles associated with BDSM.

 

Limerence - obsessive desire for emotional reciprocation from another person. It is often characterized as having obsessive-compulsive thoughts and feelings and often acted out with possessive behaviors. Usually includes emotional dependence on another person.

 

Limit – an activity or relationship type that a person can’t or won’t do. Can be one of two varieties. A hard limit is something a person will not do. A soft limit is something a person is wary of but may be open to considering in the future or under the right circumstances.

 

Lingam – Term used in Hindu and tantric teachings for the penis. Used extensively in certain chapters of the Kama Sutra.

 

Lolita – a novel written in English by the Russian novelist Vladimir Nabokov. Originally published in Paris in 1955. The subject of the novel is the sexual relationship between a man in his mid-thirties and a young girl. In BDSM, the term refers to a young woman or a woman who dresses and acts younger.

 

Looner – a person who likes balloons a little too much.

 

Lord – honorific used to identify some Dominants and Masters. Their submissives are often called lady.

 

Love - Expression of being attached and bonded to another person

 

Lunge Whip – a type of horse whip with a log flexible shaft and a single long fall.

 

Lust - Longing and sexual desire of another

 

M

 

Madame – a term used for a female Dominant. Also used for a woman who runs a bordello.

 

Manacles – a type of handcuffs with two metal rings and a short chain between them. Used a lot in Medieval role play.

 

Masking Belt – a belt put around a submissive’s mid-section to protect their kidneys during impact play. A weight lifter’s belt is often used for this purpose.

 

Masochism – the act of deriving pleasure from receiving pain or humiliation.

 

Masturbation - Self pleasure by stimulation using either hand and finger or accessories

 

Menage a trios: Threesome. Can be any combination of three people of any sex.

 

Mental Bondage – a type of psychological play where the submissive is put in a certain position and not allowed to move.

 

Metamour – in a polyamorous relationship, the other lovers of your lover.

 

Microbranding – see Cell Popping.

 

Micropenis - Extremely small penis

 

Milking – the act of forcing a man to ejaculate until he has nothing left. Often done through prostate massage. The prostate is reached through the anus and is located between the bladder and the scrotum.

 

Mindfuck - to mess with a sub type human’s head. Often through physical tricks, such as replacing a sharp knife with a dull knife prior to knife play.

 

Misandry - of or having to do with prejudice against, hatred of, or contempt for men and boys. Similar to misogyny. - also misandric.

 

Misogyny - of or having to do with prejudice against, hatred of, or contempt for women and girls. Similar to misandry.

 

Monogamish - people that are romantically monogamous and privilege that relationship, but may, within the bounds of negotiation, play and have sex with others and may have less involved non-romantic partners

 

Monogamy - The act in which an individual has an exclusive intimate relationship with a single specific individual. In describing a relationship, indicates that two people are intimately exclusive with one anoth

 

Morph Suit - see zentai

 

Mummification – the act of wrapping a submissive or bottom up until they can’t move. Often done with some type of plastic wrap. Duct tape can also be used.

 

Munch – a gathering of kinksters in a vanilla setting for the purposes of meeting and getting to know one another. Usually held in a restaurant or bar or other public meeting place.

 

 

N

 

Nagyka - A semi-rigid, heavy whipping implement, usually 2 to 5 feet long, made of braided leather with a single tail, and flared or weighted tip, sometimes tipped with metal. Specifically one of Russian make and design. Also, nagaika or nagayka.

 

Naughty Bits – a person's genitals.

 

Needle Play – using needles to pierce the skin for both the physical sensation and the aesthetic look.

Negotiation – should be done before a relationship or scene is begun. The negotiation will be the basis of what the relationship will be or what will take place during the scene. The time during which limits and parameters are agre

 

Newbie – a person who has never done any of this before.

 

Nipple Clamps – any one of several items used to clamp onto the nipples of a submissive or bottom. Many different types are manufactured specifically for the purpose. Many Dominants improvise and use household items such as clothes pins. Clamps can range in intensity from slightly uncomfortable to extreme pain. When the clamps are removed, the blood rushing back into the area can cause a burning, painful sensation.

 

Nipple Noose – a miniature hangman’s noose used on a submissive’s nipples for the same purposes as nipple clamps.

 

Nipple Torture - any one of several ways of causing pain or discomfort to a subissive's or bottom's nipples.

 

Non-Binary – a person who identifies as something other than male or female.

 

Nonconsensual – anything that occurs without a person’s consent. This goes into assault, rape and abuse territory.

 

Nose Hook – usually a stainless steel, thick gauge wire shaped with two prongs at the end for insertion into the nostrils of a submissive or bottom.

 

 

O

 

Objectification – the act of turning a person into an object, such as using a submissive as a foot stool.

 

Old Guard – very strict, hierarchal system of BDSM developed by segments of the gay community after WWII. See Leather Culture.

 

Omnisexual – being sexually attracted to all sexes.

 

Orgasm Control – to have say over whether or not and when another person may have a sexual orgasm. Often in the form of orgasm denial wherein a submissive is forbidden to have an orgasm. Another form of orgasm control is “orgasm on command”, wherein a submissive is trained to have a sexual orgasm at the command of their Dominant.

 

Orgasm on Demand – To train a submissive to have a sexual orgasm on command.

 

Orgy - Sharing of sexual partners at a party, whether in pairs or as a group.

 

Out – being out, as in being known as gay or a kinkster by your friends and family. Openly living the gay or BDSM lifestyles.

 

Over the Knee Spanking – OTK, Over The Knee. A form of corporal play or punishment. Usually done bare handed or with a belt.

 

Owned – being the submissive in a Master\slave relationship wherein the Master “owns” the submissive or slave. Can be a very intense form of relationship and is often 24/7. The sub type human is often “Collared” by the Owner.

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